That Strange Feeling in the Pit of One's Squeedly Spooch
by Invader Johnny
Summary: Humans get butterflies in their stomachs, what do Irkens get in their Squeedly Spooch? ZAGR.
1. Horrible Skool Days

_**That Strange Feeling in the Pit of One's Squeedly Spooch.**_

 _ **Author: Invader Johnny.**_

 _ **Su** **mmary: Humans get butterflies in their stomachs, what do Irkens get in their Squeedly Spooch? ZAGR.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim, it belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I'm just a fan of his work.**_

 ** _Author Notes: A friend of mine gave me this idea and allowed me to "go nuts with it" so prepare to see Zim in a twisted quest of self discovery with Gaz as his unwilling "test subject."_**

 ** _What can I say, I been itching to get back into writing some ZAGR and this is the end result._**

* * *

It was the last day of the skool year and Miss Bitters was giving her students the last lecture of doom she would ever give them, although it was a good thing for her, in the end she would have to teach a _new_ class on how doomed they really were, which only served to add salt to the wound as she saw it.

"Doom awaits all of you as soon as you leave this classroom. And I want you to know that, no matter what you do in the future, to make sure, that it doesn't involve me in anyway!"

The children all looked at each other, as if to ask their classmates why they would want Miss Bitters to be involved in their futures in the first place.

"Your future's will be filled with hideous implosions, and doom will follow you all, no matter where you go!" She hissed "No matter how hard you try to hide! Doom, doom, doom, doom, do-" Miss Bitters' ranting was cut off by the PA system.

"Attention students and teachers, due to the fact that they heard that Dib was going to graduate, all the middle skool teachers went on strike and the only way to get them to come back was to promise them that they would never have Dib for a student. This means that he will have to remain with the same teacher until he graduates, and so will the rest of you. That is all."

The skoolchildren (and Miss Bitters') shock soon turned to violent rage, and it was not long before they became an angry, violent mob, their target? Dib.

Said target slowly backed into a corner, whimpering, as the mob of enraged students (and one very angry teacher) surrounded him.

"Because of **_you_** , I'm going to be forced to teach you and the rest of these horrible excuses for human beings..." Miss Bitters started to rant.

"I am a human being!" yelled Zim, cutting her off. Miss Bitters glared at him for a moment before continuing with her tirade "This is worse than when I had the Anti-Christ for a student, and he blew up the skool! I _should_ send you to the Underground Classroom, but that would be letting you off easy wouldn't it? And no one wants that."

The students continued to glare at Dib, some even giving him the "you're dead gesture."

"I have a better idea as to what to do with the likes of you."

Dib closed his eyes in horror, knowing that whatever Miss Bitters had in store for him was worse than anything he could imagine or comprehend. The mob continued to close in around him, as he tried to back further into the corner, only to be stopped by the wall. Suddenly the mob stopped, but instead of feeling relieved, more dread soon poured over him as he realized _why_ the mob had stopped.

The voice of his sister; Gaz.

 _ **"Curse you, Dib! Curse you!"**_ she yelled angrily, her voice shattering the windows of the classroom, "the next time I see you, you're going to wish you had Radioactive Rubber Pants marching through your giant head, instead of getting me stuck with this gay idiot of a teacher until I graduate!"

The disturbing part was that her classroom was in the other side of the skool.

When Dib opened his eyes, he saw that Miss Bitters was stopping his classmates from attacking, a cruel smirk gracing her face. "What his sister is going to do to him is much worse than anything we could do. She will torment, humiliate, and torture him in ways the rest of us couldn't even dream of. And it's all because she knows him better than anyone else. She knows his weak points, what makes him cry, how to ruin his life without even trying. That's why I love family," Miss Bitters said, floating back to her desk, secure in the knowledge that Dib's existence would not go unpunished.

As Dib sat back down, he was too scared of what Gaz was going to do to him that he didn't notice that one girl, the same girl that had given him meat on Valentine's Day, had never gotten up to join the angry mob that had tried to kill him.

Zim couldn't believe he'd just missed the chance to destroy Dib, _again_ , it was really starting to get on his nerves. He had no idea what the Gaz-Beast was planning, but from experience he knew she wouldn't hold back when it came to matters of vengeance, it would be horrible enough for Miss Bitters to believe that it was worse than anything even she could do. He wondered if she would let him watch, or maybe she even needed some help. Dib's pain was one of his only forms of entertainment, that and the addictive earth video games.

The Irken snickered evilly, remembering the time two idiot aliens abducted the boy over the humungoserum, that was a great show.

 _"This time I gotta record the whole thing."_

* * *

Meanwhile Gaz, who was on her quest for revenge, stormed angrily out of her classroom, where everyone (including Mr. Elliot) was still cowering in the corner, too afraid to move after her little outburst.

She couldn't believe what her idiotic brother had done this time; she knew one thing though, she was not going to stay in Mr. Elliot's class until she graduated. He was just _too_ happy it made her sick. The principal had told her earlier in the year that she could have skipped a grade, she had declined the opportunity to spend more time around Dib than she currently did, but now she didn't have a choice, if there was one person she hated more than Dib, it was Mr. Elliot. Also, if she was in his class she might be able to keep Dib from doing (more) stupid things to ruin her life. Although, she still felt like a death row inmate, who had been given the choice of weather she wanted die in the electric chair or be hanged.

Gaz threw open the double doors to the principal's office, which, in reality, looked more like the meeting room of an evil society than the office of an elementary skool principal.

"I want to take the test to skip a grade," she said, in her usual emotionless tone, not letting onto how angry she actually was.

"So you've come to your senses, good," the principal responded. He dropped his per beaver, so he could press a button from a row of sinister looking buttons and levers on the wall. As soon as he did so, a couple of tiles in the floor moved aside and a giant stack of papers came up from what Gaz assumed was the depths of the Place Beneath the Overworld.

"This is the test," he said, pointing at the stack of papers. "You have one hour. Oh, and if you don't pass, we're wiping your brain and using you to test the new food in the cafeteria."

"Umm." Gaz mused "At least if I don't pass the test, I wouldn't have to be in Mr. Elliot's class anymore."

Wiping her brain didn't seem so bad, she wouldn't remember who Dib was that way, although she wouldn't remember what video games were either. She almost shuddered at the idea of life without video games, failing obviously **_wasn't_** an option. Not that she was worried though, she **_never_** failed. She picked up the stack of papers (quite a remarkable feat considering the stack was taller than she was) and walk out of the room.

* * *

A little over five minutes later, she answered the last question.

"Finished," said Gaz as she walked back into the principal's evil looking office.

"Ok then," the principal responded, astonished, "now we'll see how you did." He pulled one of the sinister looking levers and a giant machine emerged through another space where the floor opened up to the Place Beneath the Overworld, which seemed to have a direct link to the school. The principal put the giant stack of papers into the machine and random lights on it began to flash. A few minutes later the lights stopped and a piece of paper came out of a slot on the side of the machine. The principal grabbed the piece of paper and looked at it.

"So, how'd I do?"

"You got a score of 108." The Principal replied "Odd, because the test is only out of 100 points. But that doesn't matter. You can move on to the next grade," he said. "You will be in Miss Bitters' class. So stop wasting my time and go Now!" He pointed at the door.

Gaz smirked as she headed to her new classroom, not because she was happy she had done so well and therefore would not be used for cafeteria testing, but because she had just figured out exactly what she was going to do to her brother.

* * *

Miss Bitters twitched when she heard her phone ring. She growled and pressed a button on her desk, causing yet another hole leading to the Place Beneath the Overworld to open as her phone rose up to her desk, souls escaping as it did so. She snatched the phone off the receiver. "You better be telling me I'm getting a raise" she spat angrily at the person on the other side of the phone.

Strange noises that didn't really sound like voices at all came out of phone, but Miss Bitters seemed to understand them.

"What? Another one? You'll regret this!" she seethed, slamming the phone back down on the receiver. It descended again, another soul tired to escape, only to be snatched up by a hand attached to an arm in a grey striped turned to her students. "Class, to celebrate the fact that Dib is the worst person ever to live, a new student has skipped a grade to join our class, his sister, Gaz."

As if on cue, Gaz stepped through the door at that very moment, and immediately glared at Dib.

"Hey, look at the gothic freak!" sneered Zita pointing at the younger girl. Gaz's death glare shifted to the now doomed Zita.

As if sensing why Gaz was here in the first place, Miss Bitters slithered over to his new doomed pupil.

"I can't allow you to destroy Dib in class, skool policy." She said "Instead, I will allow you to choose the student that you wish to send to the Underground Classroom,"

At that moment, Dib prayed to every deity he knew of (for some strange reason Bigfoot was on this list) that Gaz would send him to the Underground Classroom, so he would not have to face her wrath, but he knew that was impossible, his sister wasn't letting him off so easy.

For Gaz, the decision of who to send to the Underground Classroom wasn't a hard one, no one called her a gothic freak and got away with it. She raised her arm, and pointed her finger squarely at Zita.

"Good choice," praised Miss Bitters, "she talks too much." the teacher pulled the lever next to her desk, Zita screams as the floor opens up beneath her. A few seconds later the desk reappeared, however Zita did not.

Gaz smiled evilly for a moment, before taking her new seat behind Zim, aside from getting rid of Zita, there was another reason _why_ she chose that seat, it was behind the Irken and she knew it would endlessly annoy her brother to be so close to his hated enemy, not that he would dare say anything _**now**_ , seeing as he was at the top of her shit list.

Nevertheless it was an insult to injury.

For some reason as Zim watched her sit down, he got an incredibly strange feeling in the pit of his Squeedly Spooch. He disregarded it as the horrible filth that the humans called "cafeteria food." He then remembered that he was going to ask Gaz if he could watch her destroy the Dib-human after skool. He took a piece of paper and pencil out of his desk and wrote:

 ** _'You're going to destroy the Dib-human later, right?'_**

He then folded up the piece of paper, wrote her name on the outside, pretended to stretch his arms behind him, and dropped the note on her desk. He quickly looked up to make sure Miss Bitters hadn't noticed anything, she hadn't, the execution had been perfect. Note passing was a universal talent, no student in the universe wanted to get caught passing a note in class.

A few moments later he felt Gaz poke the back of his shoulder, causing that strange feeling in his squeedlyspooch to come back. He turned around and saw that she had the note in her hand, which was between the desks and the wall, so that Miss Bitters couldn't see it. He turned his head back to the front, so that Miss Bitters wouldn't catch on to what they where doing, and then reached his hand back to take the note from her.

Since he wasn't looking at his hand he almost dropped the note, he and Gaz both tried to catch the note and were successful, but their fingers got tangled up in the commotion.

"What in the name of the Almighty Tallest is wrong with my Squeedly Spooch?" Zim wondered "I'll need to have the computer run a diagnostic when I get home." Once they had untangled their fingers he opened the note.

 ** _'Yeah, so?"_**

He picked up his pencil to write again, but suddenly stopped. He had to make sure he did this right, screwing up could earn him the same fate as the Dib-human, or _worse_ , well, maybe not worse, he doubted there _was_ a worse. He thought it over carefully, and when he was sure he couldn't wait any longer without her getting suspicious, **_or worse_** , angry, he placed his pencil to the paper again.

 _ **'So, I was wondering if I could watch, I enjoy seeing the Dib human in pain.'**_

He passed the note to her again. A few seconds later gave the note back to him.

 _ **'Sure, whatever, meet me in the playground near the jungle gym at 3:01. Don't be late and more importantly don't get in my way; because if you do, what I'll do to you will make Dib look very lucky.'**_

Zim shuddered, he had been wrong, there _**was**_ a worse, normally for him to believe he was wrong it had to be proven to him, but he decided he could live without definite proof, just this once. He clicked his pencil so that more lead came out.

 _ **'Just what are you going to do to him?'**_

A few seconds later she handed the note back to him and he opened it again.

 _ **'It's a surprise. But don't worry, you'll like it.'**_

The Irken grinned. The Gaz-Beast was defiantly the **_best_** human he had encountered in this horrible planet, although also one of the most confusing. She was the sister of the Dib-human, a relationship that he had discovered in his research was supposed to be one of unconditional love between humans, but Gaz did not appear to love Dib at all. Yes, she had rescued him once, but Zim had been under the impression that she hadn't enjoyed it, and that something of hers had been at stake.

She also seemed to hate the rest of the human race as much, if not more, than he did. He hated them, but she was one of them, or at least she _seemed_ to be. He wondered how she could hate her entire species like that; he couldn't see himself hating all the other Irkens unless they did something horrible to him, like sending him to a planet in the middle of nowhere to die.

Zim guffawed _"As if that will ever happen the Tallest respect me!"_

He considered using the note to ask her, but it might make her angry. He shuddered at the idea of evoking her wrath today, the words _'What I'll do to you will make Dib look very lucky,'_ floated through his head.

All humans and their emotions were confusing, but Gaz more so, she didn't seem to possess any of these emotions save one, anger, and it was more deadly than the anger of seemingly all others combined.

For once, Zim's mind was on the same topic as Miss Bitters' rant, doom, but not the doom of the entire universe, rather the doom of one very unlucky human. Today was going to be a good day.

 _"Even if something's wrong with my Squeedly Spooch."_

* * *

 ** _This is the end of the first chapter, to all Dib fans, sorry but he won't be getting much luck here, mostly because all potential lovers need a common ground and since Zim and Gaz hate him with a burning passion, he will be their cause for their potential relationship, ironic I know._**

 ** _Anyway, what are your thoughts?_**

 ** _Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	2. Vegeance will be theirs!

**Disclaimer: _I don't own Invader Zim, if anything it owns me._**

 ** _Author Notes: Sorry this took so long, but you know work and real life comes first ... Nevertheless; since a new issue of the Invader Zim comic came out today (as well as the much awaited conclusion to the VIROOZ saga) I decided to celebrate by posting a new chapter, because why not?_**

 ** _Also as implied in the previous chapter, there will be some Dib/Gretchen, however the GADR is going to be very minor, truthfully it's probably going to be a GADF as of right now, or maybe I'll even pull a DATR if I manage to bring Tak into the story somehow, I don't really know as I'm writing this as I go along._**

 ** _Finally, I'm using a Jhonen-ish style, meaning I was actually a "lazy writer" for this chapter, I think it makes it fit in the category. So if you don't understand everything just go with it, there won't be a "tie in all" ending, so don't worry about it. And if you try to tell me Jhonen isn't a lazy writer, I'll melt your face off… or something, since he admitted as such during the commentary for "The Frycook What Came From All That Space."_**

* * *

 _"What is it about this planet and its horribly slow skool hours?"_ Zim sneered mentally _"In moments like these, I wish my INGENIOUS time stasis field hadn't exploded."_

Truth to the Irken's words, the clock moved slower than usual that day.

 _"That is unless there were one-hundred and twenty seconds in every Earth minute instead of sixty._

His PAK's watch seemed to have stopped working as well, according to it, it was already Saturday. Then finally, after moving back to 2:58 from 2:59, twice, the clock finally moved to 3:00. As soon as the bell rang most of the students got up and ran for various exits; doors, windows, air vents. Zim turned around, but Gaz was already gone, even though he hadn't seen her go out the door, and was sure that she wouldn't stoop to going out through a window or air vent.

Miss Bitters grabbed the lever next to her desk. "All of you who aren't out of your seats in the next 8.5 seconds are going to the Underground Classroom!"

Zim jumped out his seat right before his desk, and all the others, disappeared into the floor, some taking their occupants with them.

"But that was only 8.4 secoooooooooooooooooooonds!" Poonchy screamed as he and his desk disappeared taking him to the certain doom that was the Underground Classroom.

Zim looked at the clock, he had thirty seconds to get to the playground before Gaz would start the doom show. He looked at the door, he would be **_late_** if he went that way, which meant the only other option was...

 _"... The window."_

It would be a time saver since it was literally a step to the playground. Zim sighed, he hated using _that_ exit, but it was the lesser of two evils.

 _"Better than evoking the Gaz-Beast's wrath."_

With to other choice, Zim climbed out the window, unceremoniously hitting his face to the pavement.

" ** _OW!_** My face! my superior face!"

"Whiner!"

The Irken lifted his face from the cold, hard floor, raising an eyebrow, before he could say anything else, Gaz interrupted once more, this time with an ominous warning that made everyone around feel like the temperature lowered to inhumane levels.

"Zim, you **better** get here soon!" She ordered "That is unless you **_want_** to take Dib's _place_."

He gulped... He was frightened but at the same time oddly _aroused_.

 _"What is with my Squeedly Spooch today?"_

When he got to the jungle gym (in record time) Gaz was impatiently eating some Flamin' Hot Cheezos while waiting for him, or just standing there, he couldn't really tell and he wasn't about to inquire anything that didn't involved his nemesis' well deserved doom.

"So, now what?" he asked.

"You'll see," she answered evilly. Gaz crumbled up the Cheezos bag as she started walking toward the other side of the playground, Zim picked up the bag, almost maniacally caressing it "My precious."

Gaz raised an eyebrow _"... The hell?"_

"Soon I'll have plenty of Flamin' Hot Cheezos dust!" Zim crackled evilly, that is... Before Gaz got sick of his voice and slapped him on the back of his head.

"Hey, idiot!" She snapped "My brother's about to get doomed, _remember_?"

"Wha? Oh yes. _That_."

* * *

Meanwhile Dib was trying to reach the exit without being noticed; trying and failing miserably since all skool children simply pointed at his direction, they sure **_weren't_ **about to give him a free pass.

When Dib realized he wasn't getting out, he decided on the next best thing, putting distance between himself and his sister. Every time Gaz took a step forward he took a step back. This actually could have kept him a safe distance away from her, that is, if it wasn't for the chain link fence that stopped him. When Gaz was about three feet away, Dib gave up on trying to walk through the fence and fell to his knees and began to beg for mercy. The young paranormal investigator's pathetic groveling was so sad that it would have evoked pity and forgiveness from _most_ people. Unfortunately for Dib, the words "pity" and "forgiveness" were not in Gaz's vocabulary.

"Gaz, please, don't!" he begged. After a while Dib realized this wasn't working and changed tactics. "I'll buy you any video game you want!" Bribery usually worked.

"I can buy myself video games,"

"I'll do all your homework for the rest of your life!"

"Why do you think offering to lower my average will help you?"

Dib looked around, sweating, he was getting desperate, he had to think of something. Suddenly, it hit him, but worth it? Normally a decision of this nature would require him to talk to himself for hours, never actually deciding anything, but one look at Gaz's angry face, caused him to make said decision very quickly.

"If you don't destroy me," he said, "I-I'll never watch Mysterious Mysteries again."

"Hmm, interesting..." Gaz's lips curled into an evil smile, savoring the pain in her brother's voice. _"On the one hand, he suffers at my hands now, but on the other he'll be in eternal misery by missing that crap show every week... Um... What to do? What to do?"_

Gaz turned to the Irken, she decided to get a second opinion. "What do you think, Zim?"

Zim put on the act of thought pondering for a moment before raising his arm and giving the "thumbs down" signal.

"Yeah," said Gaz cruelly, "that's what I thought."

Zim and Dib watched in admiration and horror (extra points if you can figure out who felt which!), as Gaz levitated about four feet off the ground and was surrounded by an unholy-looking pink light, while her eyes began glowing an equally unholy-looking red color.

"Gaz, why are you doing this?" Din questioned "You're not even in Mr. Elliot's class anymore, why are you angry?"

"Well, you're in my class," she answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Did you really think that you could get me stuck in your class until I graduate without evoking my wrath?"

"If I say, 'yes' will it make you angrier?" Dib squeaked.

"Take a wild guess," she hissed venomously. A small circle of fire appeared around Dib, making it impossible for him to move more than a few feet without being set on fire.

The Irken snickered, Miss Bitters had been right after all, what Gaz was going to do to Dib was much worse than anything that she, Zim, or anyone else could have thought of. And all Zim had to do was watch, as Dib's was put through one of the most painful experiences of his life and _that_ was really saying something seeing as his life hadn't been much more than painful experiences for a quite a while.

"I'm sorry Gaz, please, don't do this, please…" he begged.

"I'd shut up if I were you, your voice is only making me angrier," Gaz growled, effectively shutting him up.

Just as Dib was about to close his eyes, resigning to whatever horrible fate his little sister had in store for him, a dodge ball came out of nowhere and knocked Gaz to the ground, causing the fire and unholy-looking light to disappear. Dib was still recovering from shock when he felt someone grab his wrist and pull him to his feet.

"What are you waiting for? Come on?" his "savior" asked, as she took off running, pulling Dib behind her.

"Who the hell was that?" asked Gaz, who now had a gash on her arm from hitting the pavement.

"I don't know her name, but she's in our class and she seems to like the Dib-creature," Zim answered. The two shuddered and exchanged looks of pure disgust. As Zim helped her up he noticed the gash on her arm. "Are you alright?"

 _"Wait... Why do I care?"_

He didn't know, but he was getting that strange feeling in his Squeedly Spooch again, too. Maybe something was wrong with him; perhaps the Dib-human had poisoned him somehow, if so, he would have to wait in line to get his revenge.

"I'm fine," Gaz answered. "It looks worse than it feels."

"Let me see then," Zim persisted, still having no idea _why_ he was doing so, but assuming it had something to do with whatever was wrong with his Squeedly Spooch, and decided not to worry about for now.

... He had other things to worry about, mainly that the Dib would get doomed at the hands of his scary sibling.

"Fine," she relented, slightly annoyed, but giving him her arm. The gash was large, but not serious, although it was pretty bloody. Zim pressed a button on his PAK and a small pink cylinder containment appeared.

Zim opened it and much to Gaz's disgust, a purple gooey substance came out, he was about to put some of it on her arm, only for Gaz to swipe it away.

" ** _Don't_** even think about it."

"Do you want to destroy your brother or not?" Zim asked angrily "Because unless you're keeping some kind of healing power unknown to the rest of this backwaters planet, _ **this...** "_ He pointed at the goo in his palm "Will do the job without the need of your inferior human first aid kit."

Gaz twitches angrily, not liking her lack of control " _Fine_ , but let it be knows than if I _don't_ heal fast enough I **_will_ **hurt you."

"I made this _little_ Gaz." Zim sneered, trying to put out a brave face "It _ **will** _work."

Without any further ado, he lift Gaz's arm once more, pushing back her sleeve before dropping the purple goo on her forearm. Gaz winced slightly, annoyed by how cold the goo felt against her skin, nevertheless she kept her eyes on her arm, expecting the worst to happen, only to be surprised to see the goo slowly going _into_ her skin.

Next thing she knew, the gash was closing up and her blood disappeared almost as if there was no injury to begin with, to say that she was impressed was the understatement of the century, though she wasn't about to tell Zim _that_.

He didn't need an ego boost after all.

"Impressed yet?"

"Hardly." She grunted "What exactly is this... Thing?"

"It's a type of healing goo." He explained "There's a lot and I mean a lot of nanotechnology involved, probably more than your ** _pitiful_ **human mind is able to comprehend."

In his self-absorbed monologue, Zim missed Gaz's scary glare of doom.

"It's usually meant for Invaders only." Zim said "So feel honored that _**I**_ the amazing Zim is healing you! **_FEEL HONORED I SAY!"_**

"Shut up before I decide to find out just how well my arm healed." Gaz hissed, making a first to empathize her threat.

"Do not make promises you won't keep little Gaz." He sneered "I could easily order the goo to _amputate_ your inferior arm, the only reason why I'm choosing not to is out of curiosity."

"Curiosity?"

"What is there an echo here? _**YES!** _Curiosity!" Zim snapped "I crave the Dib's doom and you promised me a show! I wanna see it!"

Gaz nodded, in agreement, and Zim thought he saw her smile, if only briefly.

"Why are you doing this for me anyway?" she asked.

"Because…," Zim stopped, he didn't know the answer, the only idea he had was that it had something to do with whatever it was that had been ailing him all day, and it would sound so stupid if he finished his sentence with _'something is wrong with my Squeedly Spooch.'_

But what could he say? If the Dib had anything to do with it… _"Wait, Dib, it was the perfect excuse."_

"Let me answer your question with another Gaz-Beast." Zim grinned evilly "Lets say the roles were reversed and _I_ was the only one who could destroy your brother, wouldn't **_you_ **want to see how ends?"

Gaz smiled darkly and this time Zim was sure he **_wasn't_** imaginating things.

"I suppose your right... But rest assured, I **_will_ **destroy him," she said, looking up and seeing that they were already a ways down the street. "They're already so far though, we'll never catch up to them."

"You're right, stupid ugly earth female-wait, I have an idea!" Zim says. "An amazing idea! Watch me amaze you!" He suddenly wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Zim, what are you...?" Gaz began, but as Zim's spidery leg things came out of his PAK, lifting them both eight feet off the ground, "You _**better**_ not drop me, Zim. Because if you do…"

"I wouldn't," he answered distractedly. He was concerned with the fact that his Squeedly Spooch had done a horrible back-flip when he placed his arm around the human's waist, and even more concerned with the fact that he had _enjoyed it_.

 _"There is something seriously wrong with me. But if I leave now…"_ The words _'What I'll do to you will make Dib look lucky'_ flashed through his head again. He sighed, remembering his lack of desire to find out ** _what_ **could be worse than what she was about to do to his most hated enemy.

Silently, Zim used his spider legs to catch up to them.

Gaz decided to kill the time by playing her Game Slave II.

* * *

Once the shock, which was not so much from almost being destroyed as it was from being **_saved_** from almost being destroyed, wore off, Dib began to become aware of his surroundings. Such surroundings as the street he was running on, how clear the crimson sky was that day, a lamb-baby-dog thing on someone's lawn, and the person who had rescued him from certain doom. She was a girl from his class, kind of nerdy, with braces, and big teeth, and everyone made fun of her for having a big head, he didn't think it was that big, but they made fun of _him_ for having a big head too, so he probably wasn't the best judge.

"You're name's Gretchen, right?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Where are we going?" he questioned.

"My house. Gretchen replied "You should be safe from your sister and her alien friend there, at least for a while."

Dib stopped and stared at her, dumbfounded, and mumbling incoherently. She had answered one question, yet raised so many others.

Sparkles appear over Dib's head.

Most people, especially one with a head as abnormally large as Dib's, would think through the impending bombardment of questions and figure out which one was most important, and ask it, but not Dib, he decided to say them ** _all_ **at once, "Do you really believe me? Do you think I'm sane? Why are you helping me? Do you think my head is big?"

"Less talking, more running," said Gretchen, tugging on his wrist so he would start moving again, "they're catching up to us."

Dib turned around to see Zim and Gaz, making excellent time with the aid of Zim's arachnid robo legs, close behind them.

Suddenly, Gretchen made a sharp turn and ran down a new street, and by the time he had gotten over the whiplash of the first turn, she made yet another turn, this time dragging him up the steps of a house. She grabbed her key out of her pocket, unlocked the door, and ran inside, dragging poor whiplashed Dib behind her.

"We'll be safe here."

 _"I wouldn't count on that."_ Dib thought _"But for once... I sure hope so."_

* * *

 ** _With Dib's luck, I don't think he'll escape Gaz's wrath, no one ever does after all._**

 _ **Nothing brings two people together like a common enemy as was the case with Zim and Gaz's shared hatred for Dib, a perfect way to start a friendship, heh.**_

 ** _I was planning on writing more references to the IZ comics but in the end I could only find a spot for Flamin' Hot Cheezos plan that never seems to go anywhere, because its so incredibly stupid and yet Zim refuses to give up on it as implied here._**

 ** _I was going to make Gaz show more than just a smile but I think with her, feelings are more... Subtle._**

 **A** **s always, constructive criticism is accepted.**

 **Invader Johnny Signing Off.**


	3. The Squeedy Spooch Diagnosis

_**Not much to say here, other than we'll see if Dib finally gets a break or not.**_

 _ **We also find out what's wrong with Zim's Squeedly Spooch, though I'm sure not many of you will be surprised by the revelation.**_

 _ **All in all, enjoy.**_

* * *

"There they are!" Zim yelled as he and Gaz rounded a corner behind Dib and Gretchen. Yet he was too late, because as he spoke Gretchen threw Dib into her house, followed him and slammed the door behind them. Zim looked at Gaz, and saw that somehow, she had become even angrier than she'd been before.

"Zim, put me down," said Gaz. Her voice was calm, but quite deadly, and the Irken knew that this was an order, not a request.

So, he retracted his spider legs into his PAK and as he placed Gaz on the ground he could have sworn that he heard a **_"SQUEE"_** sound. He suddenly wondered why he had not simply dropped her, he was sure if their positions were reversed she would do that, actually she would probably throw him up higher in the air. He doubted it would make her angry enough to do more than glare at him if he had just dropped her.

 _"Why should her comfort be my concern?"_

He looked up at the sky; it had turned from its usual pinkish color to an almost black grey. Lightning coursed through and the sounds of thunder followed soon after. If Zim had learned one thing about the horrible planet he inhabited, it was what those signs meant, painful, burning rain.

The idiotic weather human had said that it would be a _"beautifully clear day,"_ and because of that Zim had not taken a paste bath, but the weather human had lied. Mentally Zim swore revenge against the evil weather human that had so wronged him, physically however, he looked around for a place to take shelter, and saw that Gaz had an umbrella that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. As he felt the first burning drop of rain hit his body, he ran under the umbrella and clung to Gaz, shivering, and felt his Squeedly Spooch nearly implode.

"Well," she muttered, "it's better than being used as the umbrella, I guess." She looked down at the pitiful creature clinging to her. "My God Zim, this is pathetic, even for you."

"Easy for you to say, human," he answered, "if it were hydrochloric acid pouring from your horrible and not water, the situation would be the complete opposite."

"I really hope not, if I were as pathetic as you I would probably implode from self-disgust," Gaz answered stoically.

Zim, not being smart enough to think of an adequate comeback, or any comeback at all for that matter, fell silent and just glared at her.

"Zim, let go of me, I have work to do." Gaz ordered, but the Irken didn't speak. " ** _Look_** , the sooner I get done the sooner this can be over."

"Can I keep your water-shielding device?"

She rolled her eyes. _"Fine."_

Zim let go, Gaz handed him the umbrella and walked toward the house muttering about how every time it rained Zim and Dib always managed to get her wet. Zim followed her, being careful not to step in any puddles.

"Gaz-Beast?"

 ** _"What?"_**

"What exactly do you have planned for your brother?"

She smirked evilly "Like I said before, it's a surprise."

* * *

"You're safe now," said Gretchen.

"As much as I admire your optimism, I sincerely doubt that," Dib answered, as he did so lightning flashed and thunder clapped as if to confirm his words, and to make matters worse, they soon discovered the storm had knocked out the power.

"Um, Dib?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Wasn't it a clear sunny day just a few seconds ago?"

"Yes," Dib answered fearfully.

"We're doomed, aren't we?"

"You're just realizing this now?"

Silence. More lightning flashed, causing every item in the house to cast a spooky, demonic shadow then disappear, doing the seemingly impossible; making the situation even scarier.

"Erm, in all the chaos and dooming and evil and stuff, I never got to thank you for saving me," said Dib, even though she had done the exact opposite of saving him she'd actually made things **_worse_** , but she had tried to save him and no one had ever done that before, at least not of their own free will they hadn't, and he was assuming it was the thought that counted.

"I'm sorry it didn't work," she answered.

"It's not your fault. I mean it's Gaz we're talking about here, there's no way it could have worked," he responded.

"I guess this is it then."

"Mmyup. It's just a matter of time. Any second now lightning will flash followed by a spooky sequence of events leading up to our doom."

"You're used to this by now, aren't you?"

"Yeah," he answered, looking at the ground. Suddenly the lightning flashed again, and this time the silhouette of Gaz appeared in the window. Gretchen and Dib looked at one another and began running through the house. Every time they passed a window lightning flashed and Gaz's spooky silhouette appeared in it. This went on for a few minutes before Dib finally frantically asked, "Why does your house have so many windows?" He looked at the window next to them. "And why is that window open?"

Gretchen's eyes widened in horror and she quickly closed the window, but as I'm sure all of you smart people have figured out, it was too late. Lightning struck again, confirming to them that Gaz was inside, and that their doom was emanate.

"I didn't think even you were that stupid Dib, to try to run from me. What were you thinking? Oh wait, that's right, you weren't," came the voice of Gaz from the darkness around them. "Although I guess it wasn't entirely your fault, you had help. She must insane to try to help you, or maybe she's just on crack. Either way, I have to destroy you both now. You just had to make it hard for me, didn't you? I really should extend the same courtesy to you." The unholy-looking pink light reappeared around Gaz and she levitated off the ground again, and Dib and Gretchen could see that Zim was behind her, smiling manically. Dib and Gretchen closed their eyes, not wanting to see whatever horror was coming next.

Zim laughed evilly as he witnessed Gaz's revenge.

 ** _"MORE! MORE!"_**

All the while he mentally recorded the screams of agony of the humans, making a pleased squeak the more Gaz continued with her relentless beating.

Which only made his Squeedly Spooch feel _funnier_ , his antennae were involuntary raised, making his wig fall to the ground.

And they stayed up.

* * *

Hours later, Zim opened the door of his small green house and walked inside.

"You're home late hehehe!" said GIR, as he came running up to his master to give him a hug.

"I was watching Gaz destroy the Dib-human, and someone other Earth monkey. It was amazing, she's almost as good as me! The part with the taser and the beans was definitely the best," Zim said, then blinked and looked at GIR suspiciously. "Wait, you noticed I was late?"

"You were late?" GIR asked, genuinely confused. "I didn't notice. Did you bring me string cheese?"

Zim raised an eyebrow, or rather would have if he possessed one, "No, GIR, no I didn't."

The S.I.R Unit looked at him sadly, his eyes filled with tears and he began to scream and cry over his lack of string cheese. Zim was about to yell at GIR for using string cheese as a reason to attempt to break the sound barrier, but stopped when he remembered his Squeedly Spooch problems from earlier that day.

"GIR! I'm going down to the lab. MiniMoose, get in here!" Zim yelled.

The purple moose-like sidekick floated into the room, with a squeak. "GIR, don't let anyone in the house! MiniMoose, make sure GIR doesn't let anyone in the house!"

GIR's eyes turned red, and MiniMoose squeaked.

Zim walked over to the table under which an entrance to his lab was hidden, and took the elevator down. As soon as Zim disappeared from view completely, GIR turned on the television and he and MiniMoose sat down and began to watch, The Robot laughing manically as they did so.

When the elevator reached the lab, Zim walked up to the computer. "Computer!" he yelled. Nothing happened. "Computer!" Zim repeated, slightly annoyed.

 ** _"Damn it Zim, I have a migraine. Do you have to yell like that?"_**

"Yes, I do." Zim responded. "And how do you have a migraine? You don't even technically have a head."

 ** _"I live with you, GIR, MiniMoose, and Skoodge and you don't see why I have a migraine?"_** the computer asked

"Enough of your whining," said Zim. "I think there is something wrong with my Squeedly Spooch, I need you to run a diagnostic."

 ** _"But I don't want to. Can't the other computer do it?"_**

"I guess so…wait, I don't have another computer!" Zim answered. "You think you can fool the almighty Zim?"

 ** _"Yes, I do."_** The Computer replied back ** _"Just not when I have a migraine."_**

"Silence!" yelled Zim, "now, run my diagnostic!"

 ** _"Ok, I will. Anything to get you to stop yelling,"_** the computer said, agitated.

"Ha! Victory for Zim!"

 ** _"You better have a painful, terminal disease,"_** the computer muttered, as various probes and scanners surrounded Zim, and began to test him, blocking him from view and making horrible noises.

"Agh! Sharp, why is it sharp? Burning! Agh, it burns! Ah! The pain! What are you doing? That really shouldn't go there! Aghh!" Zim screamed. The probing stopped and the devices disappeared, leaving Zim slightly scarred and whimpering in pain. "Did it have to hurt that much?"

 ** _"No. But it's much more entertaining this way, don't you agree?"_**

"I don't like you," Zim said. "Now, tell me what's wrong with me!"

 ** _"Be patie—"_** the computer was cut off and its voice changed to a deeper, more serious one. ** _"Data received, imputing now! Computing... Computing! Results completed."_**

"And?"

 ** _"And what?"_** the computer, back to normal asked.

"What's wrong with me!" Zim yelled.

 ** _"Oh yeah, that,"_** the computer said, ** _"there's nothing wrong with you."_**

"You speak lies! **_LIESSSSSSSSSS!_** " Zim half yelled half hissed.

The computer sighed, that migraine was getting worse by the second. ** _"Ok, there's nothing wrong with you physically, that I can detect. So, why don't you tell me your symptoms and I can match them to those of a mental disorder or something of that nature?"_** it said, and a couch that looks strangely like the one in my psychiatrist's office came out of the floor.

"Fine then," Zim answered, sitting down on the couch. So The Irken retold his story with great detail to the computer, but somewhere he got, for lack of a better word, distracted and ended up telling a story that was anything but what had happened to him that day. "…And then they made me their chief!" he finished, with an odd hand gesture.

 ** _"Zim, you are aware that you were supposed to tell me what happened to you today, right?"_** the computer asked.

"No," Zim answered, shaking his head.

The computer quickly searched around the room for a self-destruct button, not finding one, the only option left was to try to help Zim again. **_"I'm probing your PAK."_**

A cable came out of the wall and plugged into Zim's PAK, and information was sent down the cord. Then the voice became serious once more, **_"Information received. Comparing symptoms with mental disorders. Computing… Computing… Complete."_**

"So, now do you know what's wrong with me?" Zim asked.

 ** _"Yes, let's see, it says here that you test positive for; Schizophrenia, General Mania, Psychosis, Obsessive Compulsive, and Attention Deficit Disorders."_**

 _"Huh?_ " Zim said, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was that?"

 ** _"But it says you've had those for almost your entire life, so that can't be what happened today. I'll try emotional problems, but then I'm done. I'm bored and I still have that migraine. Comparing symptoms with emotional problems,"_** the computer said, not even bothering to alter its voice. **_"Ok, done."_**

"And?" Zim asked, anxiously.

 ** _"Hold on a minute. Damn Zim, be patie—Twitching Crackbaby!"_** the computer exclaimed, and promptly burst out laughing.

"What is it?" The alien asked worriedly. **_"TELL ZIM! I ORDER YOU TO TELL MEEEE!"_**

 ** _"You're never going to believe this,."_** The Computer said in between laughs ** _"Hell, if I hadn't done the calculations myself, I wouldn't believe it, and I still might not."_**

"What? What's wrong with me?" Zim yelled angrily.

 ** _"Nothing's wrong with you. You're just…you're just…"_** the computer said, trying, and failing, to suppress its laughter.

"Zim is just what?" Zim yelled, incredibly angry at this point. "Tell me, you horrible excuse for an interactive computer!"

 ** _"You're in love."_**

Zim's eyes felled off his eye sockets, his jaw dropped comically and last but not least, his PAK dropped to the floor.

The information he just received was too much for him, that Zim lost all control of his body and next thing he knew.

It all went dark…

But even then, in the darkness as he kept hearing the Computer's mocking laughter, Gaz greeted him in his mind.

Smirking tauntingly at him.

* * *

Way underground, a blue Dooxisi and two moles looked up at the ceiling, hearing the laughter of the Computer.

Xooxi got a broom from the closet and began pounding on the metallic ceiling "Hey up there! Please keep it down! I'm trying to count my dirt!"

Xooxi sat back on his sofa "Lousy Neighbors."

* * *

 ** _Well, there it is, another chapter! I'm sure plenty of you will be annoyed that I didn't depict the whole Gretchen and Dib dooming scene thing._**

 ** _But to be honest I wasn't ever planning to do that, why? Because I'm not creative enough to pull a Gaz vengeful scene, I'm not that merciless towards Dib, plus the story's not about Dib anyway, it's about Zim and Gaz, and how love is painful._**

 ** _Speaking of the painful beating, for those of you who didn't notice the subtlety, LOL… Yeah, Zim got an "antennae erection" when he saw Gaz getting her revenge._**

 ** _I just couldn't resist adding Xooxi to the chapter, even though he only served as a cameo, he actually was a very funny character in Issue 27, which is ironic seeing as the Dooxisi are the most boring race in the universe according to Zim, in here his personality is less cheery, mostly because our favorite Invader killed his sunny disposition hours after they met._**

 ** _The part where Zim's eyes got out of his sockets? That actually has happened, if you notice, very briefly in the episode Planet Jackers, Zim put his eye back in his place after a crash, possibly alluding to ocular implants but I decided to use that as a comic scene towards the end of the chapter because, well his world literally got turned upside down._**

 ** _So, review people and tell me what you think. Good? Bad? Decent?_**

 ** _Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


	4. Feelings Of Spooky Doom And Stuff

_**Disclaimer: Invader Zim doesn't belong to me.**_

 ** _Anyway f _ **or**_ those of you who don't remember, in the previous chapter Zim got a life changing "diagnostic" from his Computer and now he'll have to deal with it, unfortunately for him, he won't get much if any help _****_considering who are his so called evil minions._**

 ** _That being said_** ** _, I'm sure the Computer will get some type of revenge against his master sooner or later, heh._**

* * *

 ** _"LOVE?"_** Zim bellowed, shocked, "but…the meat, and the pain, and the beans!" He cringed from the memories from his only experience with _any_ kind of love. **_"I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!"_**

 ** _"Yeah, that sucks for you."_** the computer answered. **_"Oh well. GIR! Skoodge! Minimoose! Come in here so we can point and laugh at Zim's misfortune!"_**

A hover elevator landed in the lab, Skoodge and GIR walked in followed by MiniMoose. "We're here to point and laugh," Skoodge said enthusiastically, "what's going on?"

 ** _"I FORBID YOU TO TELL THEM ANYTHING!"_** Zim ordered, angrily pointing at the ceiling **_"YOU HEAR ME YOU INFERNAL MACHINE!"_**

 ** _"Zim's in love,"_** the computer said, and started laughing. Zim glared at the others, daring them to let out even a snicker, none of them did (it was a really scary glare), but they all looked as if they were about to explode from not doing so.

The lab was unbelievably, awkwardly silent for a few seconds, with the exception of the insane, slightly demented laughter of the computer. Then MiniMoose let out a small _–squeak-._

Skoodge and GIR began to chuckle and then broke into uncontrollable laughter, all the while at Zim. He of course continued to glared at them, but it wasn't the evil threatening glare it had been a few moments earlier, it was a sad, angry, maybe a right down pathetic glare.

"I'm _**not**_ in love with Gaz!" Zim yelled. "The computer is obviously malfunctioning!"

 ** _"PROOF!"_** the computer boomed triumphantly. **_"I didn't KNOW who you were in love with, I just knew that you WERE! The fact that you know that it's Gaz is proof that I'm not malfunctioning at all!"_**

"Because I…because…" Zim searched for an excuse, unsuccessfully.

 ** _"Because you're IN LOVE with her."_** the computer finished for him.

"I am **_not_** in love with Gaz!" Zim repeated angrily. "It's all lies! **_LIEEEEESSSSSSSS!_** "

"Gaz?" Skoodge asked, after he had gotten his laughter under what could hardly be considered control, "isn't that Dib's little sister? Couldn't that be a conflict of interests, Dib being your arch nemesis and all?"

"No, that won't be a problem, she hates the Dib-Worm more than I do, assuming **_that's_** even possible,"

"But still," Skoodge shrugged, "family situations are going to be pretty awkward, especially things like dinner."

"I don't know," said Zim, "her father unit seems to like me, we had a pretty decent conversation a few months ago and… **_WAIT…. Agh!_** What am I saying?" He sighed. "This is all too confusing, I need to sit down." He looked around as if expecting something. "Computer can you not take a hint?"

 ** _"Can you not just tell me what you want?"_**

"A chair," Zim answered. A chair appeared from the floor boards and Zim sat down. "I mean really it was pretty obvious. How advanced is a computer that can't think to bring up a chair when it's master says they're tired?"

 ** _"I'm a computer, not a maid,"_**

"Yes, yes," said Zim, waving his arms, as if that would make someone think he was paying attention. "Anyway, this place is getting pretty dirty. I'm going to need you to vacuum it."

The computer sighed, preparing to assign part of its circuitry to vacuuming, when it remembered something, something that meant it wouldn't have to do any more mundane chores until the day it died (or rather, crashed). **_"You know what, Zim?"_** the computer asked evilly.

Zim narrowed his eyes at the computer. "What?" he answered cautiously, knowing by the computer's tone that it could be nothing good.

 ** _"If I were you I'd be a lot nicer to me, in fact I'd be a lot nicer to ALL of us,"_** the computer said.

"And why's that?" Zim asked.

 ** _"Because, we know your secret now,"_** the computer said in a strange, spooky voice.

"My **_what?_** "

 ** _"Your seeeeeeeecret."_**

"So, what?" Zim shrugged. "GIR's attention span is so short I'm sure he's already forgotten, and that's assuming he knew what was going on in the first place, which I seriously doubt."

 ** _"I SEE BURRITO PEOPLE!"_** GIR chirped, as he added little paper hats to several burritos he just cooked on his miniature "Burrito city." Obliviously making Zim's point "I wanna be their mayo!"

"You mean _mayor_?" Skoodge asked.

 ** _"NO!"_** GIR shook his head "I always dream of being the _mayo_ in a burrito!"

"See what I mean?" Zim raised an eyebrow at his computer "As for MiniMoose, while he's a slightly better evil minion that GIR can only be understood so much, that just leaves you and Skoodge, and there's nothing you can do."

 ** _"I guess that's true,"_** said the computer, feigning defeat.

" ** _Aha!_** Victory! Victory for Zim!"

 ** _"That is except…"_** the computer trailed off menacingly.

"Except what?" Zim asked, stopping mid-victory arm motion. "Except what?!"

 ** _"Except for an email containing the results of your mental and emotional health tests and a recording to your reaction to it, and of course, the conversations that followed like this one."_** Immediately the computer replayed the conversation Zim and Skoodge had just had. **_"Or my personal favorite…"_** The computer played the clip of Zim denying his love for Gaz.

"You wouldn't dare," Zim said, trying to sound threatening and failing miserably.

 ** _"Oh really?"_** the computer responded. **_"Are you willing to risk it?"_**

"If you do that I'll deprogram and replace you," Zim said.

 ** _"With who?"_** the computer retorted. **_"Going to use GIR's brain, again? Or maybe you'll use MiniMoose? I'm sure that will make things a whole lot easier."_**

Zim glared at the computer screen, but knew it was right. The computer was a necessary evil, and all the replacement AI brains were exactly the same as the one he was using. So Zim sighed, for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day (the events of the day had left him feeling kind of angsty) and fell back onto the chair that he had just remembered asking for. "Fine," he said to the computer, "just whatever you do, don't send Gaz that email. "

 ** _"Oh, don't worry, I was never going to send that email to Gaz."_**

"Huh?" Zim looked at the computer confused. The computer had never cared about his feelings or well-being before.

 ** _"I was going to send it to Dib,"_** the computer finished. Zim stared at the sadistic machine in anger, making a mental note to never trust it with any personal information again, if it was in anyway avoidable. He noticed that Skoodge was laughing again. It was all really starting to get to him; the humiliation, the mockery, the confusion. He was completely sure that this _"Love Stuff"_ was a lot more trouble than it was worth.

"And I thought family dinners would be awkward!" Skoodge said, though his laughter.

"Isn't there some life-threatening situation you could be in right now?" Zim asked him. "Computer, find the most life-threatening situation in the universe."

 ** _"Say please,"_** the computer responded in a sing-songy voice.

"Please," Zim said, as though he has only said the word once before and hadn't enjoyed it very much the first time.

 ** _"Ok, I guess I'll do that,"_** the computer said. **_"But you'll have to work on your manners, master."_** Zim's eyes narrowed at the sarcastic tone of the computers last word. **_"It says here,"_** the computer said a few moments later. **_"that the most dangerously stupid thing to do in the entire universe is to… Wow, that's close to home, steal Gaz's Game Slave 2."_**

"I'm not surprised," Zim said, remembering when he had tried it "But the last thing we need is for Skoodge to see Gaz, what's next?"

 ** _"Planet Meekrob,"_** The computer responded. **_"It says here that there are a bunch of defective S.I.R. unit running wild there."_** The computer pulled up a picture of what one could assume was Meekrob, unless there was another planet somewhere where hundreds of S.I.R. units, possibly more defective than GIR, were running around wreaking havoc. In a corner of the screen a very haggard looking Invader Tenn could be seen trying not to get killed and having limited success in doing so.

"Computer, try to open communication channels with Meekrob," Zim said. He waited a few moments, nothing happened. "Please."

The computer issued a few beeps. ** _"Communication channels: opened. Link: established. Signal strength: low."_**

The sight on the computer screen caught Skoodge's attention and he stopped laughing. "Tenn, is that you?" he asked.

"Hey! Tenn! How's it going?" Zim asked, enthusiastically.

"How does it **_look_** like it's going?" she asked him, angrily. "It's a miracle I'm even alive! I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold them off. The Tallest haven't called me and my communicator can only receive signals, I can't call out anymore. I've been completely abandoned.

The sight on the screen got Skoodge's attention. "Tenn, is that you?" he asked once more.

"Skoodge?" Tenn responded. "What are you doing with Zim?"

"After I conquered Blorch the Tallest had me do some training and stuff on Hobo 13 and then they sent me here. I'm not really sure why. But did you say you were abandoned? I don't understand, you graduated at the top of the class in the academy, and you're tall; well, taller than Zim and me. You were in the Tallest' favor. What happened?"

"I wish I knew. Meekrob turned out to have better defenses than we thought, they were beings of pure energy and had vast intelligence. The Tallest said that they were going to send a Megadoomer Stealth Mech to help me, but when I opened the box it was full of defective S.I.R. units." Ten replied. "There aren't many of us yet, none S.I.R.s I mean, it doesn't really matter if you're native or invader in a situation like this."

"What do you mean?"

"Meekrob are beings of pure energy, but it is only because of their vast intelligence that they have any physical state at all, if it wasn't for their maintaining a physical state, they wouldn't even be on the same plane of thought that we are. Maintaining the state requires intense concentration for them to keep all the energy together the way they do. But with all the S.I.R.s causing chaos they couldn't focus and most of them simply dissolved into nothingness. They've gone from a population of over a thousand to one three that I know of. I don't know how much long they'll be able to take it though, we can only keep away from the S.I.R.s for a few hours a day now. And as for me, they've eaten all the food here, I'm on the verge of beginning to dissolve myself. The reserve energy in my PAK is running low. I'll have to start hibernation soon, but I don't know what'll happen if I do that. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that I'm doomed."

"That's horrible!" Skoodge exclaimed, looking shocked and concerned.

Zim smirked evilly, this was perfect. "I bet you could use some help."

"I really could." Teen agreed tiredly "But what kind of idiot would help someone out of the Tallest' favor?"

"This kind!" said Zim, pushing the other Irken forward. "Won't you, Skoodge?"

"I would, but I don't have a ship anymore, I crash landed here, remember?"

"You can borrow one of mine," Zim said uncaringly. "It won't be as fast or as well armed as the Voot Cruiser, but you'll get there. Computer, bring up a ship from storage!... Please."

Immediately a shiny, sleek, fairly well armed ship came up from the floor.

" ** _Not_** a nice one." Zim said annoyed.

The ship disappeared and was replaced by a not so sleek and shiny saucer-like model that seemed to have a plastic laser gun duct taped to the front. The ship wasn't in great shape. The idea of the ship flying was doubtful. Hell, the idea of it flying _safely_ was laughable.

"Are you sure this thing's safe?" Skoodge asked, looking at the vessel uncertainly.

"Of course, it is." Zim said.

Skoodge still looked uncertain.

"What? Don't you trust me? Have I ever put you in danger on purpose before?"

"Uhh…" Skoodge answered, looking even more uncertain.

"Oh, come on," Zim said, "Nothing serious has ever happened. You're still more or less ok."

"I still have night terrors about that Hogulus," Skoodge replied. "And Irkens don't even sleep."

"Yes, yes, that's all very nice, but you have to go now," Zim said, distractedly, pushing the other Invader into the ship and slammed the door behind him.

"What about food?" Skoodge yelled. Zim waved complacently and pressed a big red button on the computer console. A hole opened up through the rest of the house and the ship blasted off. As soon as the ship had cleared the roof the hole shut again.

"Well," Zim said to Tenn, "it's been great talking to you, but I have to go. You two have fun now. Bye." He turned off the communicator before Tenn even had the chance to register the idiocy he had just committed, much less respond to it.

"That takes care of Skoodge. I guess I'll just have to be nice to the computer. And I'm sure GIR doesn't even know what's going on anymore, that is if he ever _did_ ; but I should probably check just to be sure." He turned to his S.I.R Unit. "GIR! Can you tell me what happened before Skoodge left?"

"Skoodge left? **_NUH UH!"_** GIR said pointing behind his master, "He's right there! And look! He brought a new friend!"

"GIR! What in blazes are you…. **_Eh WHAT?"_**

The moment he turned around Zim saw that Skoodge indeed was back, he was scorched from head to toe, breathing heavily, looking like he was about to collapse from exhaustion and true to GIR's words, Teen was right behind him, trembling away in the same ship he let the fat Irken use which miraculously survived the trip but had seen better days.

"Don't need a S.I.R… Ever again… No S.I.R… Ever again… No S.I.R Ever again…" Tenn kept repeating over and over."

GIR peeps his head in from the top of the ship "Hello!"

Tenn's eyes bulged from her face in fear **_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_**

She ran as far away from the GIR as fast as her legs would allow, knocking Skoodge over, going to the elevator and moving to any other place in the base as long as she was away from the robot.

GIR stupidly smiled "I like her!" He then jumps on Skoodge's back.

 ** _"UFF!"_**

"Did you go to the cheese stick planet? Can I go next time? I love them cheese sticks!" GIR then began to laugh insanely, and run around the lab, singing a maddening song about cheese sticks before leaving it to go in search for the female Irken.

"I need medical attention." Skoodge said weakly "The rescue mission was horrible… Two **_horrible_** years on Meekrob!"

 ** _"You only been away for two minutes."_** The Computer stated.

Skoodge finally fainted.

Zim didn't bother to help him and would deal with Tenn later, he instead sighed, thinking how ironic was it that GIR, possibly the most spontaneous being in the entire universe, was the only thing that had been predictable today.

He also marveled at the fact that he had fallen in love with **_Gaz_** today, the last day of school, when he'd thought his troubles were over, at least for the next twelve weeks.

Then a thought hit Zim, pretty hard too, because he actually acknowledged it. _"Maybe my timing wasn't so bad after all."_ he thought. _"At least now I won't have to see her. But wait, is that a good thing?._

He fought the sadness he felt at the idea of not seeing her for twelve weeks. "Of course, it is. If I see her I might say something, something stupid. Even the great and mighty Zim can say stupid things sometimes, as rare as those times are. But then why does not seeing her seem like a bad thing? Is this "love"? It's really confusing. No! No confusion! All I have to do is try to avoid her. It shouldn't be that hard."

* * *

"Now Dib, watch as **_I_** , the almighty Zim, engulf your world in flames of evil! Flames of evil!" Zim yelled, laughing manically. "You get to go first."

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Dib screamed.

"Yes," Zim answered, advancing on Dib with a strange alien-looking weapon that looked not quite unlike a flamethrower; Suddenly, the back door opened.

"Oh hello, Zim," said Professor Membrane, surprising Zim and Dib. "I thought Dib was talking to himself out here and had come to start his Crazy Bucket session early. Oh well, see you at 7:30 then, son. Have fun you two." The scientist turned around and headed back toward the house.

Zim let out a sigh of relief, thanking every Tallest that he had ever heard of that it hadn't been Gaz who had just come outside. The sudden arrival of Professor Membrane had reminded him that he was supposed to be avoiding her and that going to the Membrane house probably hadn't been the best way to do that.

Just as Professor Membrane was about to go inside, he stopped. "You know, up two always running around outside, it's good that you get out. Gaz doesn't do enough of that, she needs to get out more. The only reason she ever goes outside is to go to school or walk to the arcade. She doesn't do anything but play video games, and although that does develop hand-eye coordination, it doesn't develop social skills. She could use some of those, I'm going to go get her."

Zim opened his mouth to protest, but the man was gone and there was no point in arguing with a closed door, not that Zim didn't seriously consider doing so anyway.

 _"Now what?"_ thought Zim, _"If I just leave this would be a victory for the Dib-worm, but if I stay…Agh! What should I do?"_

Half of Zim's brain was telling him not to move and the other half was telling him to run away, as fast and far as possible. The result of the two contradicting commands was one of the most uncoordinated things Zim had ever done, and that was really saying something. His right leg went forward to as if to run, but his left leg refused to move, causing him to fall into a series of somersaults that came to a sudden halt when he ran into a tree. Dib pointed squarely at him and laughed, that annoying high pitch laugh that can make one forget that they already hated Dib, because they are filled with so much fresh hate, even though that doesn't make any logical sense.

Zim felt the aforementioned hatred flow though him, it was one thing for his computer, robot slaves, and shorter peer to point and laugh at him, but it was something else entirely for Dib to do so. Now, exactly what that something was, Zim didn't know, not that it really mattered, all that mattered now was getting to his feet so that he could break his pledge to never help the human race by murdering Dib. But before he could do so, the door opened again and Professor Membrane came outside carrying Gaz, who was still playing her Game Slave 2. He put her down and smiled.

"Here you go, honey," he said. A slight shudder was her only response. He looked at her and frowned as if searching for something that was wrong, then he smiled with a look of discovery. He reached down and grabbed her video game. The look on Gaz's face went from slight annoyance to a mixture of shock and murderous intent in a split second.

"That's better," Professor Membrane said, a statement that Gaz, obviously couldn't agree less with. He patted her on the head, causing her to growl. "You three have fun now." He went back inside.

Dib, who, as usual, had failed the awareness test with flying colors, and did not notice his sister's overwhelming rage, and continued to laugh at Zim's expense. Gaz, not wanting to see her older brother happy, especially when she was so miserable, kicked his knee causing him to fall over as well. She kicked him a few more times. Gaz smirked and let out a sort of half chuckle that was as close to laughing as Zim had ever heard her get. Zim, now smirking at Dib as well, stood up and laughed, making sure to stop before Gaz got annoyed with him too. She was amused for the moment, but with her Game Slave 2 gone her overall mood was still far away from happy, even from a demented Gaz-version of happy,

Dib stood up a few moments later, rubbing his injured knee. "So, Gaz, what do you want to do?" he said, in his "I'm trying to be a good older brother and bond with you" voice.

"Well," she said, obviously not wanting to be a part of his bonding experience, "seeing as Dad took my Game Slave," she shuddered slightly, "I guess all I can do to amuse myself is to throw stuff at your head until you pass out or can't remember things anymore, or both."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Db sighed. "I think your record time for a knock out one and a half minutes, with a garden hose, and I lost the memory of my 5th birthday."

"Weak," she muttered, "I can do better." She turned to Zim. "I could use some competition to motivate me though, want to play? Not that I consider you a challenge, but it's better than nothing." She smirked.

"We'll see who's a challenge Gaz… human," he added quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed him call her by her name without any kind of suffix attached to it. She hadn't, at least if she had she had given him no indication of it.

"Whatever. The point of the game is to throw stuff at Dib's head until he loses consciousness or forgets something. Whoever knocks him out fastest, with the more entertaining object, and causes him to lose the happiest memory wins."

"Sounds good to me," Zim replied.

"I hate this game," Dib said sadly, but he knew there was no point in him saying anything. He hadn't been able to stop Gaz from playing her little game when she'd invented it during his 4th birthday party, which he doubted he'd still remember after this game was over, and he definitely wouldn't be able to stop her now. He just really wished Zim wasn't playing. Gaz and Zim were bad enough by themselves, but together they were just horrible. And since he was almost completely certain that Gretchen wouldn't come along to save him from Zim and his sister this time, he tried to brace himself to the inevitable blows with blunt object to the head, a feeling that he knew all too well for someone his age.

* * *

 ** _Yeah, I know I'm being too cruel with Dib but let's not forget that the whole point of this fic is to bring Zim and Gaz closer together and nothing does that better than a shared enemy._**

 ** _That being said, prepare for some interaction between Zim and Gaz, the not so hostile kind in future chapters._**

 ** _You may be thinking how did Skoodge traveled to Meekrob and rescued Teen is two minutes? That's actually a subtle reference to the four-page Invader Zim comic that was in a Nickelodeon Magazine in which Zim tricked Dib to "look away" and somehow conquered the Earth in under that time, also "the time warp thing" was another factor here._**

 ** _The part where Invader Tenn was scared of GIR due to a severe trauma she has towards the malfunctioning S.I.R Units was actually borrowed with permission from the fic "The New Adventures of Invader Zim: Season 1" by Zim'sMostLoyalServant which I seriously recommend._**

 ** _The part where Zim claimed he stole Gaz's Game Slave actually happened in the unmade episode "Ten Minutes To Doom."_**

 ** _So, what do you guys think? Good? Bad? In between? As always, constructive criticism is always accepted._**

 ** _Invader Johnny Signing Off._**


End file.
